I have always been interested in topics that are not widely known to many people. One of them is BDSM culture and its followers. And recently, I was lucky enough to…

For those who are not familiar with it:
 BDSM (BDSM) is a psychosexual subculture based on erotic power exchange and other forms of sexual relationships. It can exist in the form of role-playing, characterized by dominance and submission, immobilization, infliction of pain, and humiliation.
 The abbreviation consists of three components (types) of relationships:

• BD – Bondage (immobilization, binding) and Discipline;
• DS – Dominant and Submissive (top and bottom partners);
• SM – Sadomasochism.

"During my growing-up years and my development as a person, I was literally taught that a woman should know how to please a man: techniques, tricks, and methods... She simply has to know everything in order to bring pleasure to a man. There was no focus on the fact that she HERSELF should also receive pleasure from intimacy. Therefore, it took me a long time to accept myself and realize that I, TOO, should know how to and want to receive pleasure. What specifically gives me pleasure, I learned later," says my interlocutor, a young 27-year-old attractive woman, who prefers to be called Mistress M.

• What was the attitude towards sex in your family?
   The topic of sex was never taboo in our family. On the contrary, since childhood, I was taught the differences between boys and girls, explained why I shouldn’t go into my parents' room, and what exactly was happening there. By modern standards, they told me everything in time, including the menstrual cycle and the need for contraception. I am very grateful to my mom for all of this.
   My dad had his own methods of teaching me about sex. It was perfectly normal for him to walk around the house naked, make crude jokes, often tease, kiss on the lips when greeting (it didn’t matter whether I was 5 or 15 years old!), and talk openly about his sexual experiences and achievements (how many times he had sex in one night or how he finally made his girlfriend squirt). He also showed his love in his own way: if dad bit me until I had a bruise or hugged me so tightly it hurt – that was his way of showing love. Not through words, but through actions (and how else could it be shown?). Perhaps this is how it sounded in his mind… But I hold no grudges.
   Firstly, I can now talk about sex as a natural process. Secondly, I don’t have any complexes when it comes to talking about it. Also, perhaps this helped me understand how firmly and confidently to say "No," what personal boundaries are, and how not to behave.
• What did BDSM become for you?
   It became another dimension, a special way to express my sexuality, the need for intimacy, the confidence that I am accepted as I am, and tranquility. It’s emotional excitement in the mind. I know that this can also be explained physiologically: during strikes, slaps, binding, and any kind of painful stimuli, adrenaline is produced, which is neutralized by endorphins. This reduces pain and temporarily increases physical strength. It’s a vital defense mechanism, so the body craves more and more hits. Adrenaline continues to work for up to forty minutes after the session ends, activating processes in the brain that induce euphoria. BDSM for me is, first and foremost, the opportunity to explore the depths of my psyche, realize fantasies, and find harmony through roleplay, power dynamics, and control.
• What do you think of sadism, masochism, domination, and submission?
   Sadism is the ability to control and inflict pain in a controlled, safe environment. Masochism is the enjoyment of pain sensations. Domination and submission are a power game that requires trust and mutual understanding.
• And lust?
   Strong sensual attraction. Perhaps the most pleasant thing to see in a partner's eyes – a direct indicator that the submissive is involved in the process: they enjoy what is happening and want more. This reaction can also be read in the movements of their body, which, in turn, gives the dominant partner confidence, a sense that everything is going as it should.
• What is domination and submission for you?
   Domination and submission are about exchanging power, not just the Dominant’s power.
• What is the role of the dominant partner?
   To guide and provide feedback.
• Is it allowed to switch roles?
   Yes, in BDSM, role-switching is possible and is called “switching.” This allows participants to explore different aspects of domination and submission.
• What sensations did you experience during your first conscious pain experience?
   My first experience was getting into piercing. Sharp, short-lived pain that causes shivers down the spine, it fascinates and awakens interest. It feels like a reset. The pain was something I wanted to repeat several times.
• Tell me about your first experience with spanking.
   It happened spontaneously. I was at my usual favorite themed venue where I used to observe the actions with curiosity. I liked distinguishing, by watching people’s reactions, who was really feeling pain and who was enjoying it. A girl was being spanked, and a guy was watching, loudly expressing his opinion that what was happening was causing her unbearable pain. I replied that it wasn’t painful at all (even though I hadn’t experienced it before!) and was completely sure that it wouldn’t hurt me and that this kind of recreation was acceptable and could even be enjoyable. During our conversation, a dispute arose, the essence of which was that I wouldn’t be able to stand through the whole session without making a sound. Well, I won! And that was my first subspace!
• "Subspace". What is it and how can it be compared?
   Subspace can be compared to a deep meditative trance, where the mind is freed from all external constraints and completely immersed in the present moment.
• Is subspace equal to orgasm?
   It is NOT equal to orgasm; it surpasses it, going deeper into the participants' consciousness. It’s a state of complete immersion, where time loses its meaning, and the perception of reality becomes incredibly thin.
• Can you describe your sensations during your first spanking experience?
   Admiration, joy, goosebumps, loss of the sense of time and reality. Objectively – a reduction in psychomotor reactions to pain or other negative stimuli. Similar to an ordinary trance state.
• Tell me about your experience with choking.
   Standard: dizziness, lack of air. I like the fact that it’s under the control of another person. Will they be able to stop in time, will they understand that everything is in their hands?
• How was the first time you found yourself on the other side of the session?
   The first time I spanked my partner... This, by the way, was also a coincidence or even a meeting of two people’s needs. I lived next door to a neighbor who was somewhat "in the know" and liked to take physical pain to suppress or alleviate emotional pain. So, without saying much, we began to satisfy our needs.
• Your preferences are...?
   I especially enjoy spanking, domination, control, and using the psychological aspect of power. I also like to use different accessories, play with freedom restriction, and control the process.
• What are your taboos?
   I am categorically against any actions that could cause serious harm to health, non-consensual actions, and ignoring a partner’s boundaries.
• Is there a safe word or sign?
   I always use a safe word. It is essential for the safety and comfort of all participants.
• Is there any discipline during the session, and what role does it play?
   Undoubtedly, discipline is the cornerstone of BDSM. Without it, domination would be doomed to chaos, and submission loses its meaning.
   THIS IS THE FOUNDATION!
• Do you use music during sessions?
   For me personally, music plays a big role and is often used in practices. The idea is that it engages all the senses simultaneously. This allows you to fully immerse in the atmosphere and process. It helps maintain the rhythm of slaps/hits and interact better with the submissive. It’s important to ensure that the music doesn’t completely drown out the process, as it’s necessary to control the rhythm of the strikes (by sound) and monitor the submissive’s well-being during the session, not losing eye contact for too long.
• BDSM and sex: is there a connection?
   There is a connection, but BDSM doesn’t always involve sex. For many, it’s more about psychological interaction and energy exchange.
• Do you have regular partners for your practices?
   Yes.
• How do you select candidates for spanking now?
   There are groups on messengers, and certain venues exist. Candidates are visible in details. That is, if a person is not familiar with the community and its nuances, I can still tell that many things might appeal to them.
• Parameters of consent?
   Consent must be clear, informed, and given in advance. It can be revoked at any time.
• Have you ever refused potential candidates for sessions?
   Yes, very often: I refused. This is because many write to me on social media, but I don’t know them, their thoughts, or intentions. To protect myself, I either refuse (if they are very persistent) or suggest one introductory meeting in a public place. I’ve often had to refuse acquaintances who know about my interest, but it could spoil our relationship going forward.
• Where can someone learn about and try this interest?
   At special themed parties, as well as in the community itself, information spreads quite well. People often write about it on social media.
• Where should a beginner start?
   I would recommend beginners to start by reading literature about BDSM, attending thematic workshops, and gradually getting introduced to the practice.
• Is BDSM a closed society – a community?
   The BDSM community is not just a group of people, but a select group who understand the true value and depth of this practice.
• Have you faced condemnation and disapproval from modern society for it?
   Yes, I have, but my proud unshakability and disregard for other people’s opinions serve as a shield against their base misconceptions.
• Mistress M, recently, the movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" was released, have you seen it, and if yes, how did you feel about it? Or perhaps you’ve read the novel by British author E.L. James, on which the movie is based?
   I saw the movie: it was crass and uninteresting. The acting was subpar, and the creators couldn’t convey the chemistry that really happens between people during sessions. Besides, they mixed BDSM with ordinary sex, which is not entirely correct. I clearly separate sex from BDSM – they are two completely different ways of obtaining pleasure.
• Do your parents know about your interest?
   My mom knows, but without the details. She has seen my outfits. I haven’t informed my dad, but I don’t deny that he may have seen photos on social media.
• What is your attitude towards the institution of marriage?
   Neutral. It’s a convention. I believe that the choice should be conscious.
   I don’t fully believe in monogamy!
• Are you planning to get married and practice this with your husband?
   It depends on the situation. But I will practice. My partner won’t mind that I practice with other people in general. If he asks me to give him a session, I won’t refuse!